Tuesday, August 25, 2015

The Mystery of the Disappearing Pair of Glasses

It's either an alien abduction, or a vortex opened up in the house for a brief split second, just long
enough to suck hubby's pair of glasses from this level of existence into an alternative universe. Maybe its both, like in Star Trek Voyager, where  shape-shifting alien species 8472 from an alternate
universe  invaded our space time continuum. There is no doubt that no matter which one of these alternatives is the real reason for the disappearing pair of glasses, the hubby's pair of glasses are gone. Kaput. Finito. No where to be found within the bounds of the four walls of our house.

Let's start at the beginning. Hubby wears contact lenses and then when he removes them he requires glasses. This is not a new phenomenon. He has needed "corrective lenses" since he was in his late twenties. All that law book reading and late nights working. Honestly, I think he looks rather dignified when he wears his glasses as opposed to his contacts, but that is just me. Of course, having a little crush on the hubby probably has something to do with my glasses fetish.

Anyway, his routine is such that when he gets dressed in the morning he puts in his contacts.Then carries his glasses on top of his iPad down the stairs to his cubby where he then plugs in the iPad for recharging and places his glasses in the glassescase in his briefcase. Next he returns the glassescase to the briefcase. Then off he goes to work. It is rote and traditional by now.

Disconcertingly, yesterday at 2AM, trying not to wake me up of course, since hubby is nothing if not considerate, there was hubby with a flashlight looking all over our room; under the bed, behind dressers, in closets and because he is repainting the room, he looked in all the equipment that he has stored in a corner of our room awaiting when he gets the time to finish this project. He then branched out into the bathroom, hallway, stairs, cubbies, etc. He scoured the entire house for his glasses. He emptied his briefcase, which is more like a small suitcase, and if you saw how full that case is you would understand that that in and of itself is a major undertaking. No glasses.

He then pulled out a pair of older glasses that are basically useless and he tried to function for the rest of the time until he went to bed with lenses that made him blind as a bat. Waking up the next morning he had no choice but to put these subpar glasses on and attempt to get ready for work. Luckily he put his contacts in right away so at least he saw what tops and pants he was putting on and didn't have a fashion faux pas for work. (And yes I wold have stopped him before he embarrassed himself.)

After he went to work, I then went into action. I removed the bedskirt. Took off all the bedlinen. Checked the comforter and even the pillows. Moved the furniture around, including the boxes under the bed (the dust bunnies growing underneath our bedframe is a topic for another post. I obviously am not the best housekeeper.) I went through the laundry hamper. I took everything out of the drycleaner
basket. I went through the closets-his and mine (you never know if the glasses fell off the iPad where they may have landed). I then took my flashlight and went through the medicine cabinets, emptied the bathroom garbage cans (that was disgusting) and slowly walked down the stairs to the cubbies, always with my iPhone flashlight trained on the ground. (Yes know if the glasses were on the ground, we would have seen them without a flashlight, but I was getting rather desperate at this point).

I then went into the cubbies and emptied out the four cubbies (we each have our own). I found lots of things; books, fathers day cards, Bluetooth ear pieces, small flashlights, and papers I had given hubby to read years ago. But nope, no glasses. I went into the livingroom/den and put my hand under the couch cushions (that was interesting since you never know what you will come across under that circumstance) and under the back end of the couches. I had my oldest lift up the couches so we could get a good look underneath. I then went outside to check to see if for some reason, the glasses had fallen out of the briefcase and were laying unbeknownst to us on the stone stairs, the driveway, or mixed into the mulch. Nope nada.

I checked the younger son's room. Sometimes hubby goes in there to hang out watching TV with our son before the two of them go off to sleep. No glasses.

No glasses in either boys' offices.                                           

No glasses in the kitchen.

No glasses in the garage.

No glasses in any of the garbage cans (don't ask).

No glasses in any of the hampers.

I finally texted hubby and mentioned that he was going to have to empty his briefcase again and leaf through every page of paper. Maybe somehow the glasses had fallen out of their case and fell in-between papers or files.

Meanwhile, I have come to the conclusion that hubby is going to need new glasses. Obviously an alien invaded out home and sucked his glasses into an alternative universe or into another time-realm. Of course, a small part of me also thinks that a small blackhole could have also developed in our home, just on top of the glasses whereever he had laid them down as he dressed, and sucked them into that empty-gravity-dense-time drawing spacetime anomaly.


Maybe the alien invader will return hubby's glasses one day. It would be nice if an apology note was included.

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